Bucket List Item Checked?

The Transporter
I still feel tired from the six hundred-odd kilometers I drove from Metro Manila to Baguio and Benguet, but I guess I could say, it was all worth it.

Why?

Last year DK received a text from Pat, one of Nari's nurses. Their conversation went like this:

Pat: "Mommy DK, how are you? I would like to ask if you would grant us the honor of becoming our principal sponsors for our wedding."
DK: "Oh really? We would be honored! Give us the date and place."

Principal sponsors, "ninong" for men and "ninang" for women, act as counselors to the couple getting married. It's a Filipino tradition to have elders to tap their wisdom and experience to guide the couple in their marriage. For others, selecting principal sponsors leads to connections and network to a social group. That's why DK and I were very surprised. We're just ordinary people; we don't have friends in high places. But still, Pat requested us, and DK and I are truly honored. And also, it's tradition to never reject that request or else it will spell bad luck to the couple.

And here comes the funny part, which I think wouldn't be a deal breaker. The conversation continued:

Pat: "Thank you! I'll send the details."
Pat: *Sends a map link* and details
DK, to me: "OH MY GOD. Look where the wedding would be held!"

And that, my dear readers, started my month-long anticipation of the weekend of the Day of Valor (Araw ng Kagitingan) holiday.

Why? Because I'll be the Transporter.

World Events
The day we agreed to become principal sponsors, fuel prices were normal. In a span of two weeks, fuel prices skyrocketed, which made me worry a bit. If there's fuel shortage, we might be able to drive to Benguet, but we might be stuck there because of fuel. It's a good thing that there was no shortage, but fuel prices are so expensive.

I'm lucky that Merida, our beloved car, is very fuel efficient. Based on estimates, we used a total of 30 liters of fuel for the entire travel. Merida has a 42-liter tank. If I risked it, we would have been able to reach Metro Manila before actually running out.

I checked our route using map apps, and took a mental note of gas stations and estimates of whether I should refuel in them or not. It was fortunate that I didn't need to refuel much.

Companions
We had to put a baby car seat in Merida because Gel, another one of Nari's nurses, will be attending the wedding as one of Pat's bridesmaids, and her husband and baby boy will be joining. Gel's husband turns out to be one of Pat's childhood friends. Also joining us is Bunny, who is also part of the team that took care of Nari.

Gel arranged the accommodation, which is located somewhere between the wedding church and the reception place. It was very convenient.

Arrival and Escape from Routine
Merida clocked in at around 250 kilometers or so when we reached Baguio city. We arrived a couple of hours before noon, so we decided to stop by Camp John Hay to have an early lunch. We had this shared platter of longganisa and bangus.

We decided to drop by Wright Park, too. Since it was still quite early. We did some sightseeing, and took some photos. I remember I was still sleepy walking around. We left Metro Manila at around 4:30am, and I was able to drive with only four hours of sleep and caffeine.

It was a good escape from routine because it felt like the day was really long.

Throughout the day whenever we're alone, I would talk with DK about how to carry myself on the wedding. I read and reread the invitation. DK and I are near the bottom of the list of principal sponsors. I remember thinking if it means that we were an afterthought, some kind of alternates when the original invitees declined... I was being a bit paranoid because it is DK's and my first time ever to become principal sponsors to a wedding.

Other thank thinking "gosh, we're old", it dawned on us that we're now seen as a source of wisdom. Even though honestly, we doubt if we're even qualified to give marriage advice.

Realizations and Learning
I treated every experience and every tiny detail as a learning experience.

I even practiced how I would socialize, what my "script" is if ever I get asked how I know the couple. The night before the wedding, I decided that my script would be "Pat is one of my baby's nurses. But my baby is an angel now. I'm honored to be here and share this experience with Pat and Clint."

When principal sponsors were called to line up for the walk down the aisle, I tried to maintain my composure and as be cooperative as possible. I didn't want to embarrass Pat for choosing us, and I don't want to make a fuss and cause trouble. One of the wedding coordinators approached me to attach the flower corsage. I stood still to make their job easier.

DK and I were seated on the opposite ends of the church on the fourth row. By my count, I'm principal sponsor number eleven, which made me further think that I'm an afterthought or a replacement sponsor.

However, when the time came to take a photo with the couple, Pat actually waited for me to notice her, and when I did, she reached her hand out to shake mine. Mind you, it was not a normal handshake, it was like a shaking high five (does that even make sense). She said "I'm so happy to see you and I'm happy that you and Mommy DK are both here." Which erased some doubts in me of being a replacement.

When time came to sign the Marriage Certificate, DK came with me even though she's done. She whispered, "we are on page one". Hearing that was a big deal to me. I had to repeat what I heard. "Page one, really?" DK responded "REALLY."

What's the big deal being in page one, the front of the marriage certificate?

1. Whenever the couple would request for a registered copy, page one is the priority to be printed, because it contains the most important information. This means that DK and I are forever immortalized in that certificate.
2. That is the draft submitted by the couple, and the order of principal sponsors (or witnesses in the marriage certificate) is chosen by the couple. This means that it was deliberate and intentional.

It may be just our ego speaking, but for us, this just means that Pat really chose us as top of mind. That level of detail is a realization that we did have an impact on Pat's life.

During reception, we tried to look for our seats. I found my placeholder, and a thank-you gift from the couple was in the seat. DK's placeholder was gone from the table, but her gift was in the seat. As principal sponsors, we were seated in the VIP table. But guess where we are in the seating arrangement... Surprise, surprise: we were in the seats immediately following the couple's family.

DK and I were seated facing each other across the table. In her row was Pat's family. Seated on her left is Pat's grandfather. On my row was Clint's family. Seated on my right is Clint's grandaunt who they mentioned several times during the ceremony.

This is another realization for us. Seating arrangement during reception is a big deal. Who you're seated with says a lot about how the couple treats you. In this case, we're seated with family. Even DK was wondering why.

During dinner service, one of the coordinators approach DK and told her that we would be speaking as a couple. That's a huge surprise because we didn't prepare anything. Besides, we shrugged off the idea of being asked to talk, since we were the youngest principal sponsors and we really can't offer much. But, there we were, quite stunned. Thank heavens for DK's sharp mind, she was able to spontaneously speak and give advice to the couple about always choosing each other, and that marriage is an everyday, every minute choice. I used the running joke of the night (about the wife being able to say everything needed) and just added the advice that marriage is not 50-50, but always 100% both ways.

DK grabbed my arm in the middle of the speech, and I actually felt her hands shaking. We survived it, and we are laughing about it now. But it was a realization for us, that we have our own qualifications to give marriage advice, because of what we've been through, and yet we're still here. I'm happy that we've reached that level.

DK told me this story after we came back from the wedding. DK spoke with her other seatmate in the dinner table, who turns out to be Pat's cousin and housemate. The cousin asked DK how we know Pat, and DK replied that Pat used to be "our" nurse. The cousin remarked "oh, you're THE mother". When DK asked why, the cousin told the story of when Pat got home from her shift THAT night, Pat only cried. The cousin knows Nari's story. Add to this that Pat's parents recognized us. It means that the entire family knows Nari's story. They know Nari. And that is a big deal.

When the reception program ended, we approach the couple, and Pat was able to finally tell us her reason for choosing us:

"Nung nasa PICU pa ako, nag-promise ako sa sarili ko na pag nag-asawa ako, gusto ko kagaya nyo."

Roughly translated as: "Back when I was in PICU, I promised myself that when I get married, I want to be like you."

That statement from Pat herself hit me hard. Really hard.

DK and I were not replacements; we were not an afterthought. Pat wanted us to be there and share the special moment with her, her groom, her family, and her friends. Pat chose us because she saw that what DK and I have are worth emulating and we serve as a good example of how a marriage should be.

Growth
It's a different feeling for me, hearing those words and experiencing these from a wedding.

I'm thinking that what Pat saw with DK and me is just the surface of what our lives really are, and all lives go deeper. It's amazing to think that all the while in PICU, with what went on with Nari and our everyday life, we were there, as a couple and as a family, just going on, living our lives, trying to enjoy whatever short time with Nari granted to us. We celebrated day to day, thinking that that could be our last moments together, but we were just living. There was no intent, no show, no pretentions, no keeping up appearances. We are being just who we are.

And yet, there's this one person who noticed us, took the time to look at us, to see, to know, and to understand... One person who realized that "these people are good role models", and used this realization as values in choosing their life's direction. By merely existing, we were able to change the life of one person.

As DK and I always agreed on, "all it takes is one". In this case, one person made us realize that we possess enough knowledge and wisdom to share how a great marriage operates and grows stronger over time.

I would say... Not bad for a first time as principal sponsors, eh? I don't think this can be topped by the next timed--if there are any.

Where's the bucket?
Well, one item in my bucket list is:

To change the life of at least one person.

And by the looks of what happened in the wedding, I would dare say that's one item in my bucket list checked off.

Not bad for driving a total of 618km two-way.

--Raisondetroy